The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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