i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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