I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
