You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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