Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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