I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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