I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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