I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
