paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
