evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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