once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
