He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
