Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
