Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
