turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
