Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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