i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
