Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
