can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
