What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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