I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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