hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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