I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
