Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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