Christians are straight up FREAKS
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
