why didn't you poke me back
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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