u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you bring me the toilet please
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
