just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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