I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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