He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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