New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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