I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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