And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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