I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
