I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
