Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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