They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
