Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
