so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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