Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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