I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
