Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
