Are we in a gay sports bar?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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