Where did you get a picture of my penis
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You are the jesus of drinking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
