the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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