Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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