Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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