I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
