isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
