Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
