There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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