Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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