i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
