I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
