Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
