A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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