I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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