Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
