This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
