Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
