im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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