sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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