I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
