Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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