i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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