I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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