You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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