Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
