I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
