nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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