I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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