dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
