There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's always time for handjobs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
