I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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