they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize