sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
