Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
