Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
