So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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