Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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