Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
