I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
