I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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