I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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