She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
